Marriage: The Most Complex Yet Beautiful Relationship & How to Prepare for It

Marriage is often described as a lifelong commitment, but in reality, it is much more than that. It is a dynamic relationship that constantly evolves, requiring patience, adaptability and emotional intelligence.

Unlike relationships we are born into—such as being a child, sibling or friend—marriage is the only relationship we must consciously build from scratch. And that’s where the challenge begins.

Why Marriage is the Most Complex Relationship?

Before marriage, both partners have played different roles in life:

• A man has been a son, brother, friend and perhaps even a caretaker.
• A woman has been a daughter, sister, friend and nurturer in her own ways.

Each of these roles has shaped expectations, emotional responses and behavior patterns. Some have had positive experiences, while others may have faced challenges that shaped how they view relationships.

The Collision of Two Histories

When two people marry, they don’t just bring themselves into the relationship—they bring their past experiences, family influences, cultural backgrounds and deeply ingrained beliefs.

🔹 A husband may expect his wife to be as supportive as his sister once was.

🔹 A wife may expect her husband to be as protective as her father was.

🔹 Each may assume that their way of expressing love is the “right way.”

This can lead to unspoken expectations, misunderstandings and even resentment, making marriage not just about love, but about learning, unlearning and relearning how to be in a relationship.

The Two Biggest Mistakes in Marriage: Comparative & Compartmentalized Living

1. Comparative Living: "My Family Did It This Way"

Many couples unintentionally compare their spouse to their parents, siblings, or past relationships.

“My mother always made sure my father was taken care of. Why don’t you?”

“My father never raised his voice. Why do you?”

“My sister always supported me, but you don’t.”

These comparisons make it difficult to see your partner for who they truly are. A successful marriage begins fresh—not as a continuation of past relationships.

2. Compartmentalized Living: Sticking to Rigid Roles

Some couples believe in fixed roles, like:

✔️ The husband must always be the provider and decision-maker.

✔️ The wife must always be the nurturer and caregiver.

✔️ Emotional vulnerability is a sign of weakness, especially for men.

But in reality, a husband and wife must be everything to each other as needed—a friend, a sibling, a guide and a partner.

How to Make Marriage Work?

Marriage is not about expecting a perfect partner but about growing into a great partner together. Here’s how:

💡 1. Learn & Adapt to Your Spouse's Needs

Instead of assuming what your partner needs, ask and observe:

👉 "Do you need me to listen or help solve the problem?"

👉 "How can I support you better in stressful times?"

💡 2. Avoid Subconscious Comparisons

Replace “My family did it this way” with “How can we do it our way?”

💡 3. Be Emotionally Flexible

One day, your partner may need a protector; another day, they may need a nurturer. Be open to switching roles.

💡 4. Communicate Expectations Openly

Instead of assuming, say:

🔹 “I need comfort, not advice.”

🔹 “Can we handle this together instead of blaming each other?”

💡 5. Prioritize Happiness Over Ego

At the end of the day, being happy together is more important than being right. A successful marriage thrives on understanding, not competition.

Preparing for Marriage: What Every Man & Woman Should Focus On

Before stepping into marriage, it’s crucial to cultivate these qualities:

✅ 1. A Learning Mindset – Be open to growth, unlearning past conditioning and adapting to a shared life.

✅ 2. Emotional Maturity – Regulate emotions, be trustworthy, communicate effectively and resolve conflicts gracefully.

✅ 3. Role Flexibility – Be ready to play multiple roles as needed—friend, nurturer, guide and partner.

✅ 4. Mutual Respect & Understanding – Accept differences and build common ground.

✅ 5. Commitment to Happiness Over Ego – Prioritize joy over proving a point.

In addition to above, insights on compatibility and identifying respective strengths Astrological sciences have been the backbone of marriage match making since long and relied upon till date. In this context the two most important belief systems that are in force are shared for information purposes: 

A. Indian Matchmaking (Vedic Astrology - Kundli Matching)

This system is deeply rooted in Vedic astrology (Jyotish), which analyzes the planetary positions at the time of birth to predict compatibility. The key aspects include:

1. Guna Milan (Ashtakoota System) – 36 points are considered, covering mental compatibility, health, longevity and prosperity.
2. Mangal Dosha – Determines whether one partner's Mars placement can cause disharmony.
3. Dasha Compatibility – Checks how future planetary periods will affect the couple.
4. Health & Behavior Predictions – Some planetary alignments suggest chronic illnesses, mental temperament or financial stability.

👉 This system assumes that celestial influences shape destiny, temperament (Emotional stability & Learning attitude) and health—factors critical for a harmonious marriage .

B. Western Zodiac Compatibility

The Western system relies on sun signs and their elemental associations:

• Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) – Passionate, assertive, adventurous.
• Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) – Practical, stable, reliable.
• Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) – Intellectual, social, communicative.
• Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) – Emotional, intuitive, nurturing.

Western astrology emphasizes personality traits and emotional compatibility rather than destiny or health. It suggests that people of complementary elements (e.g., Earth & Water) or shared traits (e.g., two Air signs) have better long-term compatibility.

Both systems try to predict compatibility but focus on different dimensions:

• Indian astrology is more predictive – It factors in destiny, karma, and planetary influences on major life events like wealth, fertility and longevity.
• Western astrology is more personality-based and real – It focuses on how personalities, emotions and communication styles align not delving into the spiritual aspect of life.

In essence, Indian matchmaking is holistic, blending destiny, health and spiritual & psychological alignment, whereas Western astrology is psychological & personality-driven and focuses on emotional and intellectual harmony.

How to Ensure the Right Match?

For a truly satisfying and successful marriage, astrological matchmaking alone isn’t enough. Consider:

1. Self-awareness & Readiness – As mentioned, qualities like emotional maturity, adaptability, learning ability and respect for others matter more than charts.
2. Core Values & Life Goals – Do you both align on career, family and personal aspirations?
3. Real-Life Compatibility – Shared interests, problem-solving styles and lifestyle habits matter.
4. Emotional & Physical Chemistry – Can you communicate openly? Do you enjoy being together?

👉 The perfect match isn’t just in the stars—it’s in shared values, emotional strength, the willingness to learn and grow together.

Take a Moment to Reflect

If the insights above resonate with you, take a moment to sit in a relaxed state. Breathe deeply, imagining life energy flowing in as you inhale through one nostril and stress leaving as you exhale through the other. May repeat this for several cycles. This simple practice will help clear mind, enhance concentration and bring clarity of thoughts.

Disclaimer: 

The views expressed in this blog are based on personal experiences and interpretations of subject matter. While the insights shared may be beneficial for personal growth, they should not be considered as professional advice. Readers are encouraged to explore and apply these lessons in a way that aligns with their individual circumstances. Additionally, the meditation technique mentioned is a general mindfulness practice. Those with medical or psychological conditions should consult a professional before adopting new relaxation techniques.